three weeks later

I’m a bit disappointed in myself. I haven’t written in weeks and that’s not good. I want to really document this journey. I want to better understand who I am and why I do the things I do (or don’t do) to myself. And in order to understand that, I need to keep myself accountable and document it all. And posting pics on Instagram or Facebook doesn’t count because that doesn’t show the whole story. It only shows the good choices (for the most part). It doesn’t show the times I just eat because I can

because I’m sad

because I’m lonely

because I’m upset

because I’m happy

because I’m tired

because it’s there…

It’s all a part of my life and I have to be my biggest fan because I just don’t have the time or energy to wait for someone else to do that for me.

I’m responsible for myself.

I’m responsible for the size of clothing I wear.

I’m responsible for the type of food I put into my mouth.

It’s all on me. And I love me, dammit.

***

We took the kid on a vacation the other week. It was her Spring Break and we wanted to surprise her with a trip to a water-park resort. It was all pretty amazing and fun and quite successful of a surprise trip.

I strayed a bit from eating primarily plant-based. I kind of knew I would so I didn’t beat myself up about it. What good would that have done? Instead, I enjoyed a burger and fries, ice cream, and pizza a several times over the past several weeks- mostly during Spring Break (last week). But. Even though I did eat poorly at times, it was truly at times and not ALL the time. So for that I’m immensely proud.

Also- something else worth noting during my Break was my reaction to animal product foods: There were several times when my stomach churned at the the thought of ingesting animal. And the amount of animal people eat with every meal is astounding. Fuck that.

I’m not eating primarily plant-based because of the way animals are treated (my reason is because it makes me feel SO much better)… but… it’s hard to ignore. Really hard once it’s ingrained in your head.

That said, I honestly don’t know if I will ever *never* have a burger again. I can pretty easily give up on steak (which I NEVER IN ALL MY LIFE thought I would say or think) and chicken and milk and eggs and even cheese (most days), but burgers are just so incredibly wonderful to me.  (This is where having a nasty reaction when eating copious amounts of milk [ice cream] comes in handy. I LOVE ice cream almost as much as I love my kid, but it doesn’t love me; and while I could eat it every day, I absolutely canNOT eat it every day. This helps me stay away from it more so than I’m able to stay away from burgers & fries.)

***

Truthfully, it’s been over a full week since I’ve had a juice and I really miss it. I just haven’t had the time or the money to juice. I’ve made several smoothies, but no juice and boy am I yearning for juice again.

***

Chia seeds have become a staple in my diet lately. I really do love them and incorporate them into my meals at least twice a day– once in the morning with my oats and once in the evening with my smoothie.

 

Advertisements

One thought on “three weeks later

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s