starting over- again

Yeah I don’t know what planet I was on with my last post–feeling good about getting back on track. I’m thirty pounds away from my highest weight ever (meaning I’ve gained another 20 pounds since last year). What the fuck have I done to myself?

Oh, Oh, Mr. Kotter!! Mr. Kotter!!!

I ate and ate and ate and sat around for a couple of months basically. For several months, actually.

But by god, I’m back. I’m fucking BACK to healthy eating. Truly. I even threw away shit food that I had consumed Monday. Yes, just two days ago I was consuming shit food… donuts, doritos, peach cobbler, whateverthefuck. Then I got my period Tuesday and voila, I’m in a mindset where golly gee willikers¬†I NEED good food again. Clean food. Plant-based food.

So here I am at day 2 with eating pretty fucking on point!

Yesterday I had two bananas; a smoothie with kale, banana, strawberries, chia seeds; lots of watermelon; arancini (no very plant based but I stopped eating despite being hungry).

Today so far I’ve had, egg n cheese wrap from Dunkin; banana; smoothie like yesterday; watermelon; quarter arancini; banana nice cream if I need more; zoodles for dinner.

I have killer cramps and bleeding but feel great otherwise. So glad to be feeling more alert and alive again. Sure it’s only been two days, but it’s better than nothing and you gotta start (again and again and sometimes again) somewhere.

Friday, August 5

I’ve been doing pretty well with my food intake this week. Not perfect, but pretty damn near it. But, I am back on the coffee in the mornings. Not like a full pot, but just a medium iced coffee every morning. With almond milk.

Next, I need to incorporate some activity once again.

I may fall, but I will stand back up. There’s just no other option.

fuckity fuck

i’ve gained back so much weight it’s not even funny.

i’m sure someone out there thinks it’s funny, but i don’t.

it’s all my fault, yes. nobody held a gun to my head and told me to stuff the pizza and cookie butter down my throat.

i did this all on my own just like i lost all the weight on my own just like i’ll fucking lose the goddamn weight again. on my own.

once again, i’m back at wanting to get some sort of weight loss surgery. it’s a tool not a cure and i really just need some fucking help to just keep goddamn going.

that said, i’m not giving up and will never ever ever revert back to where i was a couple years ago before being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.

today is day one again. and today so far i’ve eaten 100% plant-based. all fruits and veggie with some oatmeal and seeds (chia). and i’m back to drinking a shitton of water and peeing all the time again.

I AM IN CONTROL.

I AM GOING TO SUCCEED.

I AM GOING TO FEEL GOOD AGAIN.

I AM GOING TO SHED MY BODY OF THE TOXINS.

I AM IN CONTROL.

I AM IN CONTROL.

I AM IN CONTROL.