It’s been far too long since I’ve been active (physical and blogging eh). I just can’t find the motivation to get up earlier than I am or go for a walk during my lunch break or working out to a DVD after work. I wholeheartedly admit to all of this.
As for food, my relationship with it has absolutely changed this year… I’ve just become quite aware of all that I eat, when I eat it, why I eat it, how much of it I eat, etc. I feel as if my life completely revolves around food. This is good and this is bad.
The good is that I’m aware, I’m knowledgeable, my eyes are constantly open to the foods I consume. The bad is that there is more to life than just fucking food.
And I think all of this leads me to my recent obsession: weight loss surgery (WLS). Specifically: vertical sleeve gastrectomy (VSG).
The truth of the matter is I’ve been looking into WLS for several years now, but it hasn’t been till the past year or so that has me kind of obsessed with it. I’ve been watching Youtube videos and searching Instagram accounts like crazy. And just recently I’ve signed up for a three hour seminar on VSG. And I’m excited. So excited over the prospect of a real tool that could help me get rid of this excess fat.
I’m not too keen on possibly going through surgery, but I truly feel as if I’ve exhausted all other goddamn options out there. The fact of the matter is that I’m in my mid 40s; I’ve been overweight since my teens; my BMI puts me at “morbidly obese”; I have type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol; I’m done having kids but want to live long enough to enjoy the child I do have; I’ve lost a significant amount of weight twice in my adult life only to gain the weight back again…
The fact is that I know how to eat, what to eat and what to do to get rid of excess weight. I’ve been to dietitians, nutritionists, doctors. I know how to read nutrition labels and I know proper portion sizes of different foods.
But I cannot seem to keep the bloody weight away for good, and I so want to. I really do.
So then do it! Put your mind to it and do it! Count those calories and get off your ass!
I have done this. I still currently do. Okay, granted, I fully admit to being a sloth as of late, but honest to god, not a day goes by where I’m not thinking about what food to eat and how being fat wreaks havoc on my body, my mind, my spirit.
I want to change, I just feel so fucking defeated from all the times I’ve kinda sorta achieved losing weight.. only to end up gaining a lot (or even more than originally weighed) back.
I want to succeed. I will succeed. I know I will. Especially with the HELP of VSG.
I know I’ll always have issues with foods. Always. It’s just inescapable seeing as you need food to live. But I strongly feel that by shrinking my stomach, I will be able to control more of the quantity of food I consume. Permanently.
To be able to eat to fuel rather than to pacify is a dream that will become a reality one day.