waiting sucks the life outta you

I was mistaken yesterday when I noted that the health group- to which the bariatric center I’m interested in doing WLS with- has obtained medical records. The health group did, in fact, do that, but this was a result of my OBGYN yearly visit last week. I totally fucking forgot about that visit and when I saw that a history of sorts was submitted and paid to my insurance, I got super excited and assumed it was for WLS. But hello! I only just Wednesday night, two days ago, even gave the bariatric center my insurance info.

Why does this even matter?

A part of me was thinking the reason I was getting to see a surgeon so quickly (Monday) was because of this, because the center had obtained my records and it was noted in the system that I was good to go and to get me scheduled ASAP so that insurance can approve surgery and a date could be set.

Hopeful thinking. STUPID hopeful thinking.

I’m just anxious, really.

I just have been thinking of doing this for so long and now that I’m so close to getting to know if I can go thru with it… I’m just on edge.

And now the doubt sets in.

Fuck.

I’m pretty good about staying positive about things. I’ve worked so hard nearly half my life on letting things go and just focusing on the good. I really have. But doubt still manages to trickle its way into things. It always does, doesn’t it?

Now I’m kind of thinking… what IF my insurance doesn’t cover this? What IF the surgeon doesn’t think I’m a good candidate?

I will cry. So hard. So, so hard. I can’t and won’t think much beyond crying to be honest…

I’m so damn sure that I fit the bill and that there’s no way the insurance can deny me but the reality of it all is… I won’t know till that bridge is crossed.

Dammit, NONE of this is easy. None of it.

 

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