feeling out of control

I have my Psych Eval today. Apparently that involves taking a personality test of sorts and then an actual discussion with a psychologist who works with bariatric patients. I’m not that concerned with any of it; I just really wish I knew if this (the surgery) was going to happen.

This weekend was pretty bad as far as food was concerned. I’m PMSing something fierce and this is the time when I turn to food the most. I don’t even realize I’m doing it half the time till I’m done (bingeing). Or I do realize it but just don’t fucking care because it’s something else to do and think of other than the cramping and irritability that envelopes me before my period comes.

I wonder how this will change after surgery… I mean, I absolutely overate nearly every single fucking day this long weekend (was off yesterday cuz my girl was off from school) to the point of feeling sick half of the day, each day. I won’t be able to do this after surgery right? But the thing is, I DON’T WANT TO DO IT NOW. But it’s like I have no control right before my period. Then when I start bleeding, it’s insane how quickly I’m able to turn things around and actually care about what I put in my mouth.

So remember how I said I wasn’t really concerned with todays Psych Eval? Just right up there in that first paragraph I said it. Yeah, well I think I am concerned. Because I’m still not bleeding and I’m still extremely fucking irritable right now and that surely will come thru in the test and discussion, no? Fuck. Maybe I should just tell them when I sign in that that I’m in a shit place right now. But then I probably risk losing this appointment and having to wait weeks for another.

Hormones fucking blow.


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