just stuff

Allegedly, I should hear back today if insurance is approving this surgery or not. I really do hope the coordinator follows through without me having to send another email. I hate feeling like a pest, but I also know they’re crazy busy and maybe a reminder is what is needed.

***

My PMS has alleviated for the most part despite no actual bleeding. I’m still very occasionally cramping, but nothing like I was. It’s just weird and kinda fucked up to feel so freaking horrific–bloating, soreness, cramping, cravings, extreme irritability, etc–for so many weeks and not get my period to end it. And frankly, if this is what menopause is like??!? I think I’d rather just get my fucking period the rest of my life.

***

I don’t know if it’s the PMS or lack of period or the waiting for insurance or a combo of it all, but I’m feeling really down lately. Dammit. I hate feeling like this. Like I just don’t give a shit about much of anything.

I’m at the point where I’m kind of hoping I get denied this surgery so I can just cancel all the other fucking appointments and tests I’m scheduled for (for example, I have to have an abdomen ultrasound in the late afternoon in a couple of weeks and will have to endure NOTHING to eat OR drink for 6 hours prior!!!) and just go back to living my old life as a fat ass trying to eat healthier to live longer but not being obsessive about it all.

***

These are the moments when I thank sweet baby jesus for my daughter. My goodness does she light up my life.

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One thought on “just stuff

  1. LOL… we all have days when we just think life is crap and we want to bitch. Keep in mind… surgery is a HUGE lifestyle change and is pretty rough afterwards for a few months (it gets better) but if you’re one that tends to dwell on the negative… it will be down right unbearable. So be prepared. Mine was not too bad… but my husband says I poop rainbows and think unicorns live in the clouds. Ha! I can be a bit positive at times I guess…😆

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