I’m beginning to come to terms with all of this– that I’m having WLS in a little more than a month, that I’m completely changing my life.
It’s a big freaking deal, yo.
My sweet baby girl (she’s almost 7 and not a baby as she often tells me though, as I always answer back, she’ll always be my baby) told me last night that I was beautiful. We were drifting off to sleep and she made sure I heard her:
“Mama?” she whispered.
“Mmm,” I replied.
“Mama?” she whispered again.
I opened my eyes and could see her eyes were open and looking right into me as we lay face to face in bed.
“You’re beautiful,” she said.
I couldn’t help but smile. And I could feel my insides start to weep a bit, too.
“Oh baby,” I answered. “You’re SO beautiful.”
“But you’re more beautiful.”
This isn’t our nightly routine. Generally she turns on some music and I tell her I love her and to have sweet dreams and close my eyes and fall asleep before she does and that’s that. A few times she’s reached out to place her hand on my face and tell me she loves me, but none of this “beautiful” business.
“Thank you baby doll,” I said before we both drifted off to sleep.
And now this morning as I write this, I’m left to wonder if she senses that changes are coming…
My husband and I have eluded to surgery in conversation, but we’ve been pretty careful not to really discuss it in terms of “surgery” or “hospital”, etc. I don’t want to scare her. I was originally planning to tell her I’m having surgery, of course, but not until that day or the day before.
But maybe I should tell her sooner?
I’ve always been honest with her and I’m a believer that kids hear everything; they may not understand all that’s going on, but they’re aware that something’s happening. So I’m wondering if maybe she knows things are going to drastically change. I don’t want her to worry and I fear she will worry if I tell her too soon, but I also don’t want her to stress out thinking that something is wrong.
I’m sure I’m not making much sense with what I’m feeling regarding my girl and telling her. I’m probably just projecting a lot of emotional pain I endured as a young child onto her. Or maybe I’m not? I don’t know.
I do know, however, that having this surgery is important for so many reasons, but mainly to live a healthy, happy, active life watching my sweet baby girl grow and blossom.