almost December

This is the first time since having my sweet baby doll (7 years ago end of December) that we’re not sending out a family photo Christmas card. Truth is we just didn’t have time and money to get family pics done as we have in the past, so I just ordered cards with a cute pic of my girl on them. I like getting family pics of us but it’s just going to have to wait I guess.

And I’m sort of okay with all of this because I’ve been eating nonstop the past couple of months. Like, I feel gross most of the time because of the quantity and quality of the foods I’ve consumed. It’s like I’m completely out of control. I just keep telling myself, come this Friday (12/2), I’m on all liquids for two weeks prior to surgery so why not just eat all the foods while I can? But that’s bullshit because eating all the foods makes me feel like crap so why do I continue to do it??!?

It’s maddening. And a bit depressing.

I’ve gained weight and my clothes are getting smaller and smaller. My stomach is bloated so much I’m certain I look pregnant to some. But because I’m fat anyway, they just are probably unsure if I’m just fat or if I’m indeed pregnant.

Enough of that. I need to focus on the good stuff:

  • Come Friday, it’ll be all liquids for two weeks. How is this “good”? It’s going to force me to focus on the liquids and the surgery instead of leaving me to think of all the foods I won’t be able to stuff in my hole for a couple of months.
  • 18 freaking days till surgery, yo. This is good. Good. No matter the fact that every so often a wave of OH-SHIT-SHOULD-I-REALLY-DO-THIS-LIFE-ALTERING-PERMANENT-THING?! hits me.
  • I’ve been sleeping with a cpap now for 6 nights and it’s been GLORIOUS. I haven’t had that much difficulty adjusting to wearing the contraption and my sleep has been getting better and better. I’m awake and alert all day, every day. It’s freaking GLORIOUS.



3 thoughts on “almost December

  1. I love my cpap. I don’t even try to sleep without it because my quality of sleep is so much higher when I use it.

    Good luck on the liquid diet! I wish I were so close to my surgery date! I understand freaking out once in a while, I mean, it IS a permanent, life-altering decision to have this surgery. But hopefully, it’s life-altering in the best possible way! Here’s to your health!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Word of advice… you need to be in some sort of support group or have a therapist. Your eating habits have not changed much and have sorta gone off the rails. You will find ways to cheat after surgery if you don’t address the issues. You CAN gain weight after surgery. This is not a guarantee. I’d hate for you to lose weight with surgery just to gain it back again. I mean… I’ve been at goal for a while but it is a DAILY battle. I have to make the choices of what to eat and not to eat. I have to get up and exercise. Surgery is not a fix. It’s way more mental than you realize. Just get ready…
    Not trying to scare you. Just being honest.

    Liked by 1 person

    • totally appreciate it the advice!! thank you so much. i’m bummed bc i realized there was a support group just this past Saturday (they have them once a month)… but i didn’t realize it till Monday. :/ i’m going to start looking into something closer to home to see if i can find a group that meets more than once a month…

      Liked by 1 person

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