exhale

I just wrote two hand-written letters: one to my daughter, one to my husband.

Writing the one to my girl wasn’t so difficult because I just essentially told her how freaking much I love and adore her. Easy peasy.

The one for my husband was more difficult. I cried. Hard.

I’m terrified of dying on Friday during surgery.

This whole time I’ve been pretty damn excited about all of this, about the prospect of being able to get a second chance at living a HEALTHY and happy and active life and then, all of sudden this morning, the fear of dying crept in.

I’m not afraid of the actual surgery; I’m actually excited about that!

But being this close to both Christmas and my sweet doll’s 7th birthday is freaking me out because if I die, how horrifying that would be for her, for my husband?!! For the rest of their lives, they’d always have that reminder of me passing away just before Christmas the year our sweet girl turned 7. And my sweet girl?! OMG just the thought of not experiencing what’s to come for her sickens me. : (

So I wrote them letters telling them how much I love them and how thankful I am for them because if either of them thought, for one second, I felt any differently… poop!

 

two more days. i can do this.

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