6 months till i’m 45

So my period that came two and half weeks late and had me feeling, wondering if maybe I was just going a tad insane has left the building already. In fact, I only had one rough horror show day; by day four, there was nothing. (“Normally” my periods are heavy as fuck for the first two or three days before they taper down to nothing by day five or six so what happened this time – with the exception of waiting an additional 2 weeks for it! – is coolio with me.)

I’m like 99% confident I’m perimenopausal after doing some more research, and have ordered a book about menopause from a Dr. Northup. I need to figure out how to deal with this shit before it drives me truly insane.

Eating has been pretty spot on since getting my period. I’ve been feeling great since getting my period. This is my life though… until a week or so before my next period comes and the bloating and irritability and the need to want to do harm to others starts creeping back in slowly. Like a freaking stalker waiting for the right moment to make its move and attack.

I’m pretty confident eating healthily and exercising more routinely will not only help me get more and more healthy and less and less obese, but it will also help with the menopause shit, too.

At least I haven’t experienced hot flashes yet.

But then again… maybe VSG alleviated some of that because prior to surgery, I was pretty much literally a hot mess all the time.

Hmm.

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8 weeks post op

eight freaking weeks, what?!??!

been reading a book called EAT WHAT YOU LOVE LOVE WHAT YOU EAT by Dr. Michele May. she has a website AM I HUNGRY? too. i’m finding it fascinating. and it’s been super helpful so far this week with my eating… whenever i think i’m hungry, i just ask myself if i really am and if i am, i eat; if i’m not, i don’t.

sounds simple, i know. I KNOW. but, it’s helped me eat only when i’ve been truly hungry this week.

for once, i feel like i’m in charge instead of just being in control… and i know my period is coming so being able to feel like this and eat like this during PMS is monumental.

***

things i’m loving this week: my nuwave air fryer and green giant broccoli tots, as well as this raw almond flour cookie dough bites that i make (1 cup almond flour, 2 tablespoon cookie butter ((or peanut butter)), 1 tablespoon applesauce, 2-3 tablespoon mini choc chips all mixed together and rolled into balls… next time i’ll add some Bipro unflavored protein powder for more added protein).

 

post op day 52

I’m approaching two months since VSG and I can honestly say that my life is pretty much back to normal as far as recovering from surgery and being used to having a much smaller stomach.

For the most part.

There are still moments when I look at food or think of food and get a bit sad that I can’t eat everything (I want or) I thought I could, but more than not, I’m truly digging eating such small portions. And I’m basically eating whatever, too: I’ve had rice, pasta, salad; I’ve had sweets, salts, sours. I’ve basically had it all and am finding that my pouch is pretty tolerant of everything.

From all that I’ve read, I’m absolutely counting my blessings on this one.

That said, the number on the scale isn’t moving much at all. I’m guessing that is because the scale is a motherfucker. Heh, in all seriousness (it IS a mofo but I digress), I’m guessing it’s because my calorie count is higher than most post-op bariatric patients. Especially this early out… I’m eating 1000 to 1200 calories every day. I just don’t have a problem getting anything in. In fact, there has been a day or two where I’ve approached (if not surpassed!!!) 1500 calories! And while that amount is NOT a lot for a normal adult, it IS a lot for a bariatric patient. At least as far as I can tell from all that I read online.

Here’s the thing about this: I’m totally OK with these numbers- both on the scale and those that I’m digesting.

Am I happy the scale isn’t moving and hasn’t moved in weeks? No. Am I going to harp on this ditty? Fuck no.

MY WORTH IS WAY MORE THAN A NUMBER ON A SCALE OR MY PANTS!

I’ll just continue to plan meals and focus on PROTEIN FIRST and trying to get more activity in my day and soon, I’m certain, I’ll be complaining that nothing fits anymore (it’ll all be too big of course).

 

 

43 days post op

Eating real food… whoa it’s filling!

Last night I had chicken salad I made the night before (chopped up rotisserie chicken, chopped up celery, dressing including mayo, non fat greek yogurt, seasonsings)  that I was really looking forward to eating all day. I accidentally ate too much. And by that I mean, I didn’t really believe I was full but holy mother of all there is, I was SO full. I’m not sure how I didn’t end up puking but I didn’t. Instead, the food just sat there right below my throat. I guess all the food (and I swear it wasn’t more than 1/4 cup) just filled my tiny tummy to the point that it got backed up into my esophagus? That’s how it felt at least.

And here I am now again in the same situation after eating some chicken fried rice(d veggies). No real rice involved– just rice sized veggies and chicken and soy sauce. Again, I don’t think I’ve eaten more than a 1/4 cup of food and BAM the food is just backed up again. It feels like I could hurl at any second, but I don’t think I will, thankfully.

I guess I really DID have WLS after all. Seriously, most of the time, I just FEEL so normal that I guess I forget that I just cannot eat all that much. I’ve GOT to start paying more attention to what I’m eating and how much of it because I do not like this feeling of wanting to vomit.

That said, this week I’ve been fabulous with my food choices. Limited carbs, lots of protein (first- always first!!), tons of water. I haven’t stepped on the scale much and that’s okay… for me, it’s about how I feel and I’m feeling damn good (when I’m not stuffed to the max) and my clothes are getting bigger and bigger on me! 🙂

I haven’t really had anyone comment yet about if I’m losing weight, but I’m  okay with that, too. Only a very select few people even know I had the surgery, so at least when/if I get comments, they’ll be legit. Besides, my coworkers and such have seen me lose a LOT of weight before and gain it back more than once now in the near 15 years I’ve worked here… so I’m guessing for any of them to comment this time, it will take a significant amount lost and maintained for a while.

Good thing I didn’t have VSG for other people’s perception of me eh.

 

6 weeks (tomorrow)!

I met with the PA yesterday for my 6 week (tomorrow) follow-up appointment. As of yesterday’s weigh in at the office, I’m 23 pounds down since day of surgery, 31 since pre-op diet (41.3 BMI vs 47.3).

The best news, to me, is that I officially get to stop crushing pills (which was probably the worst thing about this whole experience for me) (I haven’t crushed them in a week already) and start eating everything and doing anything fitness wise too!

The PA said that they want me now to try and just have three meals a day and we talked a bit about how I feel like I’m constantly eating/hungry. She said I need to forget about all the smooth SLIDER foods and just eat real, high in protein food now: eggs, cheese, lean meats. She claims this will keep me much fuller for much longer and it makes total sense. Protein first (always), then veggies and fruit. Limit carbs.

Basically, it’s time to start officially living life normally again. Sounds good to me!

I scheduled another appointment for my three month follow-up end of March. Two weeks prior to that I’ll have my blood tested so they can go over the results at the follow-up. I’m already taking only half the dose of the pill I’m on for high blood pressure (my BP has been awesomely “normal” for ages). Hopefully I can quit taking it all together, as well as quit taking the lowest dose I’m on for high cholesterol.

The only thing that’s left is to start committing to exercising. I have no freaking excuses anymore not to do something more than just walk as much throughout the day as I can. Yeah, I park far away on purpose and get up at least once an hour if not more, but I need to do more. For my mind and my body.

5 weeks post-op

I love food so much. Even with a much smaller stomach, I still love all foods so freaking much. I’ve slowly introduced so many different foods and with absolutely no problems. None of it causes me any sort of negative issues. I’m not sure if this makes me happy or sad. On one hand, I’m elated because it means I’ll be able to eat anything, but on the other hand, I’m pissed because golly gee surgery truly DIDN’T fix my addiction.

WLS is a tool. You’ll hear this time and time again. It’s how you use that tool that matters most. And I really and truly need to own this. I know this all to be the way it is, yet I find that I’m sneaking in Hershey Kisses or french fries, etc. I won’t beat myself up about this though because I’m not feasting on these things and they’re not daily occurrences. But I do need to own up to it.

***

The best thing about WLS, for me, is the inability to eat a lot of whatever it is I’m eating… but, sadly, I find that I do get hungry often and I can and I do eat every couple of hours. I try to just drink more water, but unless it’s coffee or something more substantial than water, my stomach seems to be demanding more food and I generally give in and eat something.

This is problematic to me because I don’t feel like I’m utilizing the tool the best I can. ESPECIALLY THIS SOON OUT FROM SURGERY!

 

Saturday, for example, my sweets and a couple of her friends went ice skating. Then we all went out to eat to a burger and shake joint. Everyone ordered burgers, fries and shakes (my absolute favorite meal of all time!). I ordered a bowl of chili and a kid size shake. I drank maybe half the shake and had three small bites from the chili. I was beyond stuffed. I realize that a milkshake isn’t a good option after WLS, but the fact that I didn’t/couldn’t finish it made me happy as a clam. And the fact that I couldn’t finish the chili and had to take it home did, too… until a couple hours later when I ended up finishing the rest of the chili!

I guess my point to this is that I’m NOT digging the fact that I seem to be eating every couple of hours. I feel like I’m totally failing the gift that I consider WLS to be!

***

This morning I stopped at the grocery store before coming to work to stock up on foods for when I’m working. I bought cottage cheese and no sugar added fruit cups (breakfast), bananas (that I’ll mash up with some PB2 if I need something sweet), 80 calorie/12g protein yogurt cups (snacks), a ton of soups and tuna packets (lunches).

Wednesday I have my 6 week followup with the surgeon. I will tell him that I feel like I’m constantly eating despite getting full quickly and see what he says.

 

25 days post-op

I’m still here and still blending my foods and very much looking forward to the next stage of soft foods which I can start implementing on Friday: scrambled eggs, tuna, salmon, etc.

Friday is also going to be my first full day back to work in the office. I started working from home for 4 hours every morning last week. I’m so grateful that my boss is so cool regarding all of this because I didn’t want to eat away at all my sick time, yet work is a good 45 minutes each way away, and my stamina still isn’t quite up to par. Truthfully, I could probably use another week or so home, but I know I’ll be fine going back full time too. I just like being home and not interacting with people. 🙂

I talked to the surgeon’s office today and they want me to hold off on any activity that’s too strenuous until 6 weeks post-op. I was inquiring about incorporating yoga and the PA said I could try some stretching, but to be very mindful of any pain and to take things slow. In the meantime, she suggested more walking (which I haven’t been doing much of except for in the house back and forth) and a recumbent bike (which I actually have!). So now I need to get in the habit again with activity. Once I’m in the habit (in the past I’ve done it first thing in the AM or walked during breaks and at lunch during work), I’m consistent and I always feel so much better.