two freaking weeks

That’s all I have till surgery: two freaking weeks. And it’s the holiday season so we all know that these two weeks are going to go by in a freaking flash.


I start my liquid diet today (4-6 protein shakes & water; 700-900 calories/day). So far I’ve had about 30 ounces of water (I’m a big time water drinker) and one protein shake made with unsweetened almond milk, some peanut powder and instant decaf all mixed in. It was okay. I’m not at all fond of the aftertaste but I guess that’s what water is for.

I’m currently drinking a sugar free, decaffeinated French Vanilla Cafe instant coffee. I usually use this as a creamer but there wasn’t any decaf made (at work) and I wasn’t in the mood to make it. It tastes better used as a creamer. I miss real coffee.

In the fridge is 16 ounces of milk for up to two more shakes. I have my shaker bottle ready to go and I’ve portioned out 2 scoops of chocolate and 2 scoops of vanilla protein powder. I’m allowed honey, peanut butter, whatever I want to add to the shakes as long as they remain sugar free and liquid. Although honey isn’t exactly sugar free but it’s on the list so whatever.

I have two cans of soup here at work in case I absolutely feel the need for something more. As a last resort because I don’t believe soup, even strained, is allowed during this pre-op phase (though it is allowed post-op phase of the liquid diet), but I figure it’s better to have that, than to have nothing but the freaking vending machines, etc.

My mindset is great.

Actually I’m feeling pretty great all around despite having incredibly sore boobs due to PMS. I’m certain the incredible sleep I’m getting thanks to the cpap is a great help for these feelings.

I’m confident I will succeed at being  a rule follower these next two weeks.

That said, I’m a bit fearful for the weekend. I promised my dad we’d visit as it’s been well over a month since we’ve seen him. And he has no idea I’m doing any of this. And he’s not one to hold his tongue on anything. So I’m not sure what’s going to happen when it’s time to eat and I’m not eating anything. I’ll have to lie and say I’m not feeling well, but I don’t know if I can sell it because I’m an eater. I love ALL the foods. Even when ill, I love all the foods and never have a problem eating. Ugh, I’m not looking forward to this visit at all but such is life sometimes and I will prevail, dammit!



i’m sipping on coffee right now. my head is THROBBING and there’s no chance it’s PMS as i just finished bleeding yesterday (TMI oops). i’m drinking plenty of water so it’s not that either. and i don’t have any tylenol so coffee it is.

please go away horrible headache. now.

yesterday was spot on with food. completely plant-based!! aside from the old fashioned oats in the morning and the veggie burger (quinoa, black bean, corn) from Trader Joe’s, everything was straight up fruit and veg. dinner was a smoothie. a big ass smoothie.

today is going pretty much exactly the same as yesterday. it’s incredible what owning it – truly owning it- will do to your self esteem, eh? i feel like i can do anything. and i CAN.

i’m strong. i’m in control. complete control. these are all my choices, my decision. i so got this.

my choice

i have another headache today. dammit. i don’t like having headaches. i’m not sure if it’s PMS or that i haven’t had caffeine since last Monday– 10 days! it’s nice not spending those couple of dollars every day. and i’m able to arrive to work in plenty of time without feeling rushed. i miss my coffee, but i really don’t.

last night i blended a beet root juice i made (with cucumber, orange, cilantro, lemon) with a banana and WHOA was it good. and so filling. i may do that again tonight the green juice (kale, carrots, pear, lemon, ginger) i made last night. the texture is just SO delightful. it’s like having a creamy milk shake. and it’s 100% fabulous for me with no added fake anything!

while i don’t really crave certain foods much anymore, the past day  or so i’ve been really thinking a lot about eating something unhealthy. i’m PMSing something fierce and it would be so easy to blame it on that. and my fucking headache too, of course. still, i’m holding out on those thoughts for now and just trying to eat fruits and veg when i feel like i have to eat something. tomorrow night i have dinner plans at a chinese joint so i already know that meal won’t be the best… not gonna go crazy and choose poorly prior to then as well.

when i get home today, i’ll make another kale juice of some sort for tomorrow so i can have a big healthy dose of goodness before going for chinese.

putting it in writing will help make it stick. i choose to be clean and healthy. fuck yeah!

on choosing

despite yesterday’s headache, still no coffee as of today. i still want it and miss it oh so dearly, but i’m still choosing to stay away from it. much like i’m staying away from a lot of foods that aren’t plant-based these days. and without much problem, too.

last night, we ended up going out to eat with a friend and her two boys. it was completely unplanned. we rarely do anything like eat out at a restaurant during the work/school week. i was fortunate that i had gotten home an hour before picking up my girl from school so i had time to juice, and in fact, i timed the whole process; and from getting the produce out of the fridge to cleaning it to prepping it to juicing it to jarring the juice to cleaning the juicer and area, it took 40 minutes. i guess that’s not too bad, but it’s not as quick as grabbing something from McDonald’s.

anyway, at dinner i could’ve very easily chowed down on a huge chunk of freshly baked bread and butter but i didn’t. and it wasn’t a big deal. i could’ve very easily ordered a beautiful thick burger and fries but i didn’t. and, again, it wasn’t a big deal.

this isn’t the first time i’ve chosen to eat healthy and primarily plant-based when eating out (ended up with french onion soup and spinach and avocado salad), but it’s also not the norm for me. so until it becomes the norm, i’ll be so proud that i chose the foods that make me the healthiest.

also, as it nears shark week, this is generally when i choose the shit food… yet last night, despite having cramps, despite being super hungry, despite not being prepared and drinking juice beforehand, i went with the healthy option. and i didn’t even want a burger, really. the idea of putting meat in my mouth these days is just not appealing. and dairy is becoming less and less appealing.

i’m kind of digging this, truth be told. i’m enjoying juicing, i’m enjoying staying more plant-based. it feels good to do this. *I* feel good doing this. and i’m not counting calories or carbs or focusing on protein or portions. all i’m doing is choosing and sticking with naturally grown produce. it’s really not that difficult. and it’s rather damn tasty!




week two so far

Today I have a headache.

It’s one of the first days where I feel pretty healthy regarding the cough-fever-sinus thing I had going on for about a week. But I have a headache.

Pretty sure that’s a result of the no coffee I’ve had since last Monday. So 8 days ago. Not even on Sunday when I went to my mother’s for lunch to meet up with my brother and his family who are in from out of state did I have coffee.

Just to be clear: I FUCKING LOVE COFFEE.

I love so much about coffee it’s kind of scary.

But I’m choosing to try to keep it at bay.

I’m choosing to be the healthiest I can be, and I really feel like coffee drinks are hindering me from getting better results at the health thing.

All that said and done, my head hurts today and today may be the day I cave for one coffee. I’m gonna try not to, but life happens sometimes.

As for juicing, I’m still incorporating it into my every day. Sunday was the first day I’ve had meat in weeks. I’ve watched too many movies recently about the food industry and more and more I lean toward choosing to say no to meat and dairy and yes to plant-based foods.

I feel good. I feel lighter. I feel less bloated. I don’t really want shit food. THIS IS INCREDIBLE AND I WANT THESE FEELINGS TO LAST FOREVER.

I still eat, I just eat foods that are plant-based: oatmeal for breakfast; quinoa black bean veggie burger and broccoli slaw for lunch; potato for dinner. This has been very satisfying for me. And when I’m hungry outside of these times, I either drink a big glass of fresh, homemade juice and/or eat an orange or apple.

I’m enjoying eating like this but what I’m still getting used to is the prep involved to juice. It’s fucking super time consuming… figuring out what produce I have or need to pick up… figuring out which veg and fruit to clean and possibly chop… taking the time to put the juicer together and juice… storing the juice… cleaning the juicer… cleaning the kitchen. IT’S LIKE A FUCKING JOB to do this. Seriously.

Of course it probably doesn’t help that I have a slow juicer. I mean, I’m certain I have a good juicer and that I’m getting the most out of my produce with the least amount of pulp, but I also know that there are much faster juicers out there.

I just have to remind myself that I’ve spent a lifetime eating shit food and spending my time being a sloth, and taking the time to really take care of me and mine is worth it.