43 days post op

Eating real food… whoa it’s filling!

Last night I had chicken salad I made the night before (chopped up rotisserie chicken, chopped up celery, dressing including mayo, non fat greek yogurt, seasonsings)  that I was really looking forward to eating all day. I accidentally ate too much. And by that I mean, I didn’t really believe I was full but holy mother of all there is, I was SO full. I’m not sure how I didn’t end up puking but I didn’t. Instead, the food just sat there right below my throat. I guess all the food (and I swear it wasn’t more than 1/4 cup) just filled my tiny tummy to the point that it got backed up into my esophagus? That’s how it felt at least.

And here I am now again in the same situation after eating some chicken fried rice(d veggies). No real rice involved– just rice sized veggies and chicken and soy sauce. Again, I don’t think I’ve eaten more than a 1/4 cup of food and BAM the food is just backed up again. It feels like I could hurl at any second, but I don’t think I will, thankfully.

I guess I really DID have WLS after all. Seriously, most of the time, I just FEEL so normal that I guess I forget that I just cannot eat all that much. I’ve GOT to start paying more attention to what I’m eating and how much of it because I do not like this feeling of wanting to vomit.

That said, this week I’ve been fabulous with my food choices. Limited carbs, lots of protein (first- always first!!), tons of water. I haven’t stepped on the scale much and that’s okay… for me, it’s about how I feel and I’m feeling damn good (when I’m not stuffed to the max) and my clothes are getting bigger and bigger on me! 🙂

I haven’t really had anyone comment yet about if I’m losing weight, but I’m  okay with that, too. Only a very select few people even know I had the surgery, so at least when/if I get comments, they’ll be legit. Besides, my coworkers and such have seen me lose a LOT of weight before and gain it back more than once now in the near 15 years I’ve worked here… so I’m guessing for any of them to comment this time, it will take a significant amount lost and maintained for a while.

Good thing I didn’t have VSG for other people’s perception of me eh.

 

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25 days post-op

I’m still here and still blending my foods and very much looking forward to the next stage of soft foods which I can start implementing on Friday: scrambled eggs, tuna, salmon, etc.

Friday is also going to be my first full day back to work in the office. I started working from home for 4 hours every morning last week. I’m so grateful that my boss is so cool regarding all of this because I didn’t want to eat away at all my sick time, yet work is a good 45 minutes each way away, and my stamina still isn’t quite up to par. Truthfully, I could probably use another week or so home, but I know I’ll be fine going back full time too. I just like being home and not interacting with people. 🙂

I talked to the surgeon’s office today and they want me to hold off on any activity that’s too strenuous until 6 weeks post-op. I was inquiring about incorporating yoga and the PA said I could try some stretching, but to be very mindful of any pain and to take things slow. In the meantime, she suggested more walking (which I haven’t been doing much of except for in the house back and forth) and a recumbent bike (which I actually have!). So now I need to get in the habit again with activity. Once I’m in the habit (in the past I’ve done it first thing in the AM or walked during breaks and at lunch during work), I’m consistent and I always feel so much better.

 

post op day 21

Three weeks ago I had a good portion of my stomach removed. And, as a result, today I simply cannot eat as much food as I used to, or that I may want to, or that my head may tell me I can. THANK GOD.

I meet with the nutritionist for the first time since before surgery this afternoon. I’m curious to hear what they have to say. The scale hasn’t moved much since moving from a liquid diet to a blended diet. I’m guessing it’s the carbs from my everyday eats of Farina and blended cream of soups that have potatoes and/or rice and/or noodles in them. My program requires two weeks of blended food before moving on to the next stage of soft foods. While this blended stage is going much better than the liquid, I’m very much looking forward to incorporating other foods WITHOUT having to blend them: eggs, tuna, cheeses, etc. I’m hoping to lessen my carb intake at that point.

I wonder if my nutritionist can tell me if I can do yoga yet or if I should ask the surgeon’s office. I didn’t think to ask about it at my first follow-up with the surgeon since I was only 10 days out and wasn’t really feeling the energy to do much of anything. But I’m definitely itching to do something more these days and the sub zero temps has kept me inside. Plus I’m back to working part-time (from home). But I love me some yoga and hope to start doing that again soon.

Tomorrow I’ll be going to a bariatrics support group meeting. It’ll be my third meeting but my first post-op. Yay!

two freaking weeks

That’s all I have till surgery: two freaking weeks. And it’s the holiday season so we all know that these two weeks are going to go by in a freaking flash.

WOW.

I start my liquid diet today (4-6 protein shakes & water; 700-900 calories/day). So far I’ve had about 30 ounces of water (I’m a big time water drinker) and one protein shake made with unsweetened almond milk, some peanut powder and instant decaf all mixed in. It was okay. I’m not at all fond of the aftertaste but I guess that’s what water is for.

I’m currently drinking a sugar free, decaffeinated French Vanilla Cafe instant coffee. I usually use this as a creamer but there wasn’t any decaf made (at work) and I wasn’t in the mood to make it. It tastes better used as a creamer. I miss real coffee.

In the fridge is 16 ounces of milk for up to two more shakes. I have my shaker bottle ready to go and I’ve portioned out 2 scoops of chocolate and 2 scoops of vanilla protein powder. I’m allowed honey, peanut butter, whatever I want to add to the shakes as long as they remain sugar free and liquid. Although honey isn’t exactly sugar free but it’s on the list so whatever.

I have two cans of soup here at work in case I absolutely feel the need for something more. As a last resort because I don’t believe soup, even strained, is allowed during this pre-op phase (though it is allowed post-op phase of the liquid diet), but I figure it’s better to have that, than to have nothing but the freaking vending machines, etc.

My mindset is great.

Actually I’m feeling pretty great all around despite having incredibly sore boobs due to PMS. I’m certain the incredible sleep I’m getting thanks to the cpap is a great help for these feelings.

I’m confident I will succeed at being  a rule follower these next two weeks.

That said, I’m a bit fearful for the weekend. I promised my dad we’d visit as it’s been well over a month since we’ve seen him. And he has no idea I’m doing any of this. And he’s not one to hold his tongue on anything. So I’m not sure what’s going to happen when it’s time to eat and I’m not eating anything. I’ll have to lie and say I’m not feeling well, but I don’t know if I can sell it because I’m an eater. I love ALL the foods. Even when ill, I love all the foods and never have a problem eating. Ugh, I’m not looking forward to this visit at all but such is life sometimes and I will prevail, dammit!

Welp…

Shit’s getting real. Like, for real real.

I pre-registered for surgery this morning and moments ago I set up my last appointment before surgery, the Pre-Surgical Testing: Upper GI, Chest Xray, EKG, Blood work-up.

  • In two days, I start the liquid diet (for my plan it’s specific protein shakes and water and protein shakes…) for two full weeks.
  • In five days, I have my pre-surgical testing done.
  • In ten days, I have another WLS group meeting to attend (my own choice).
  • In twelve days, I have my pre-op appointment with my surgeon.
  • In fifteen days, I can have nothing more than clear liquids all day.
  • In sixteen days, I go in for surgery.

I don’t have a time yet but. Um. THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING.

And I’m REALLY getting excited again.

December is going to be one helluva month, that’s for sure, because not only do I have the above going on, but there’s also:

  • In twenty-four days, it’s Christmas Eve (which is when everyone comes to my place and we feast on schnitzel and potatoes and sweets… this year I guess I’ll be sipping while they all feast).
  • In twenty-five days, it’s Christmas Day (which is when I make sticky buns that my almost 7 year old daughter anticipates and looks forward to having every single year. I’ll still make them, of course, but I’ll be sipping on a protein shake while she indulges and I smile on watching her light up.)
  • In twenty-nine days, my baby girls turns 7 (sniff, sniff, sniff). (Not sure what we’re doing that day, but it will be something special as always. Her choice. Last year we took her to LegoLand and Benihana. She loved both. This year I think she wants to go to the zoo [she LOVES animals] but I’m not sure if it’ll be open [are they open in winter in Chicago?]. And of course we’ll take her out to eat… which will be my first outing post-op and I’ll still be on my liquid diet phase so not really sure how that’s all going to work but it will it will it will!)

almost December

This is the first time since having my sweet baby doll (7 years ago end of December) that we’re not sending out a family photo Christmas card. Truth is we just didn’t have time and money to get family pics done as we have in the past, so I just ordered cards with a cute pic of my girl on them. I like getting family pics of us but it’s just going to have to wait I guess.

And I’m sort of okay with all of this because I’ve been eating nonstop the past couple of months. Like, I feel gross most of the time because of the quantity and quality of the foods I’ve consumed. It’s like I’m completely out of control. I just keep telling myself, come this Friday (12/2), I’m on all liquids for two weeks prior to surgery so why not just eat all the foods while I can? But that’s bullshit because eating all the foods makes me feel like crap so why do I continue to do it??!?

It’s maddening. And a bit depressing.

I’ve gained weight and my clothes are getting smaller and smaller. My stomach is bloated so much I’m certain I look pregnant to some. But because I’m fat anyway, they just are probably unsure if I’m just fat or if I’m indeed pregnant.

Enough of that. I need to focus on the good stuff:

  • Come Friday, it’ll be all liquids for two weeks. How is this “good”? It’s going to force me to focus on the liquids and the surgery instead of leaving me to think of all the foods I won’t be able to stuff in my hole for a couple of months.
  • 18 freaking days till surgery, yo. This is good. Good. No matter the fact that every so often a wave of OH-SHIT-SHOULD-I-REALLY-DO-THIS-LIFE-ALTERING-PERMANENT-THING?! hits me.
  • I’ve been sleeping with a cpap now for 6 nights and it’s been GLORIOUS. I haven’t had that much difficulty adjusting to wearing the contraption and my sleep has been getting better and better. I’m awake and alert all day, every day. It’s freaking GLORIOUS.

 

24 … days

Something tells me that the next 24 days will fly by and seem more like 24 hours when it’s time to finally get the surgery.

I picked up my new sleeping buddy, the cpap. I’m exhausted after sitting there for an hour and a half listening to how to use it, why to use it, how to clean it, blah blah blah. But I’m also quite excited to use it as I freaking LOVE sleep.

I also picked up two weeks worth of bariatric protein shake powder for the two weeks prior to surgery when all I’m to consume is liquids.

I still have yet to hear back on when I’m to get my final pre-op stuff done.

The dude helping me with the cpap told me I was brave for going through with the weight loss surgery. It’s the second time I’ve heard “brave” in regards to getting the surgery. I’ve never once thought of it that way, but I like it.

Because it kind of is brave of me to do this.

I’m changing my life forever.

And for good.