5 weeks post-op

I love food so much. Even with a much smaller stomach, I still love all foods so freaking much. I’ve slowly introduced so many different foods and with absolutely no problems. None of it causes me any sort of negative issues. I’m not sure if this makes me happy or sad. On one hand, I’m elated because it means I’ll be able to eat anything, but on the other hand, I’m pissed because golly gee surgery truly DIDN’T fix my addiction.

WLS is a tool. You’ll hear this time and time again. It’s how you use that tool that matters most. And I really and truly need to own this. I know this all to be the way it is, yet I find that I’m sneaking in Hershey Kisses or french fries, etc. I won’t beat myself up about this though because I’m not feasting on these things and they’re not daily occurrences. But I do need to own up to it.

***

The best thing about WLS, for me, is the inability to eat a lot of whatever it is I’m eating… but, sadly, I find that I do get hungry often and I can and I do eat every couple of hours. I try to just drink more water, but unless it’s coffee or something more substantial than water, my stomach seems to be demanding more food and I generally give in and eat something.

This is problematic to me because I don’t feel like I’m utilizing the tool the best I can. ESPECIALLY THIS SOON OUT FROM SURGERY!

 

Saturday, for example, my sweets and a couple of her friends went ice skating. Then we all went out to eat to a burger and shake joint. Everyone ordered burgers, fries and shakes (my absolute favorite meal of all time!). I ordered a bowl of chili and a kid size shake. I drank maybe half the shake and had three small bites from the chili. I was beyond stuffed. I realize that a milkshake isn’t a good option after WLS, but the fact that I didn’t/couldn’t finish it made me happy as a clam. And the fact that I couldn’t finish the chili and had to take it home did, too… until a couple hours later when I ended up finishing the rest of the chili!

I guess my point to this is that I’m NOT digging the fact that I seem to be eating every couple of hours. I feel like I’m totally failing the gift that I consider WLS to be!

***

This morning I stopped at the grocery store before coming to work to stock up on foods for when I’m working. I bought cottage cheese and no sugar added fruit cups (breakfast), bananas (that I’ll mash up with some PB2 if I need something sweet), 80 calorie/12g protein yogurt cups (snacks), a ton of soups and tuna packets (lunches).

Wednesday I have my 6 week followup with the surgeon. I will tell him that I feel like I’m constantly eating despite getting full quickly and see what he says.

 

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32 days post-op

I’ve been eating more soft solids now for several days and, as promised, I’m feeling much more full when eating. I can’t even truly compute this to be honest. Yesterday, for example, we went for arancini (Italian rice balls). In the past I’d have no problem putting away two of these delicious bad boys (it’s a breaded and fried big ball of rice with something in the center– generally meat sauce and peas but my favorite is spinach and ricotta), but yesterday could only eat HALF–of ONE. And I feel like I really pushed it eating half as I was S-T-U-F-F-E-D after.

When I was finished with my half, I looked on at amazement at the other half just sitting there on my plate. My eyes and head wanted to keep eating but there was no way I could. And I can’t even begin to express how INCREDIBLE this is to me.

All of my life I’ve been stuffing food into my pie hole and not really being satisfied no matter what I ate, no matter how much I ate, now matter how often I ate. But now? Now?! Now that I’ve been Sleeved, I finally feel normal. Granted I’m eating WAY less than everyone else around me, including my 7 year old, but the fact that I absolutely have to stop eating makes me feel more normal some how.

Is this just the honeymoon phase of being sleeved? Or is this my new normal?

Hell, is this real life?!?

That all being said, I do start getting hungry just two hours after eating something…even if I stuff myself. I try drinking more water or having a decaf coffee or something, but I usually have to give in and eat. But I’m eating excellent things like cottage cheese with a little fruit, or an egg muffin (egg, cheese, kale, turkey sausage baked in muffin tins) or two for the most part.

Still need to get back into a routine of being more active.

10 days post-op

I have read numerous complaints from people early post-op regarding their LACK of being able to drink water and fluids. I am not one of those people. I have absolutely no problem getting all my fluids in. None whatsoever. I’m constantly drinking something– either water or a mix of water and apple juice or a protein shake or, if I’m super lucky, some creamed soup with unflavored protein powder. Not necessarily because I’m thirsty or  my mouth is dry; no, I’m constantly drinking because I’m in desperation for actual food.

I. am. hungry.

I. want. to. eat.

I have my followup appointment tomorrow morning with the surgeon and I’m going to BEG that he allow me to move on to the next stage of blended foods. Dear god PLEASE tell me he’ll let me move on before the official two weeks (Friday) is here.

Christmas Eve was especially difficult for me. My dad came over in the afternoon. Then my mom and niece and her family came over in the evening. My husband was cooking all day long and finally when everyone sat down to eat dinner, I went into the bedroom and hid under the covers. I couldn’t even muster the strength to cry, but I wanted to.

I love food. I love food so fucking much and not being able to eat it sucks so much. I don’t even understand how hard it sucks. It’s weird too because I FEEL totally fine!!! I get tired pretty easily but otherwise, I feel completely normal and healthy and like I didn’t just have most of my stomach removed!! My incisions are even looking great.

I haven’t been out of the house much to walk or anything but I’m walking plenty in the house. And I have no issues with bowel movements or anything. The gas and bloating has all subsided–it’s been days!

Seriously, I feel like I didn’t have surgery 10 days ago!

All that whining and complaining aside, I’m down… over 20 pounds since starting the liquid diet on 12/2. So what is that? Over 20 pounds down in 24 days. NUTS. But really, NOT EATING ANY REAL FOOD will do that to anyone I suppose.

Enough of that. I’m ALIVE and well and THAT is what is important. I get a second chance here and I WILL own it.